For months I’ve been continuously stressed wanting so much to return to Congo and be of service in some way. A deep desire can be a great burden when thwarted. It’s selfish to want something very intensely and when unable to fulfill it…get frustrated and disappointed. But this is the roller coaster I’m riding. Managing myself in a swirl of strong emotions with the added element of humanitarian issues thrown in. I came to some resolve today that I hope will help.
When I started this journey two years ago, I would research World Health Organization records and read about millions of deaths, cases of AIDS and orphaned children. This would be so overwhelming that I would go home and sew ruffles on little girls dresses that I hoped would some day make it to Africa…and make some little girl happy. I found some peace in hand stitching these dresses. It led me back to the love I felt in the first place.
Today, while meditating, an inner wiser voice said to focus on the love not the problem. Easier said than done. It also said to desire lightly not intensely. It gave me the image of a tiny feather blown out of my hand onto the gentle breeze. Desire this way it said. As if I was getting in the way of miracles by being so tense and frustrated with obstacles I perceived.
And so my children, I am thinking of you. You are not alone without anyone’s thoughts on you today. You may not know I am here, you may not benefit right now from the love I feel for you…my thoughts today cannot protect or feed you…but I love you. I love you. I must learn for this to be enough before I can give you the world I want for you.